The Magnitude of Silence

I truly believe that the one and only set back to having children is the inability to hear yourself thinking, due to the constant roar of questions and chatter and banging and crying and singing and yes even sometimes screaming. So to have just one short moment of absolute silence is almost immpossible. Even the occasional soak in the tub is interupted by "I cant button my pants." or "What are the letters in camera?" and just recently "Dexter smells funny.".

So when the opportunity arises to have honest and pure silence I do not know a single parent that would not jump on that bandwagon in a trillionth of a second. 


Well our opportunity came. It came in the form of Free Nursery Night at our church. Seriously, God bless them! So we decided that Dexter was old enough now and could handle a few hours in the care of someone else other than my doting mother. So we packed the diaper bag and made the production of loading everyone into the truck and we headed off. We dropped them off and said goodbye and very quickly rushed out of the building and back to the car. 

We both sat and took a long, deep, appeasing breath. And then it happened, we realized we were in silence. We were finally able to think without being interrupted and we became all too conscious of the absolute silence. Then Ryan turned to me and said " Instead of dinner would you like to just sit in the car?" We laughed together and decided we would, in fact go have dinner together and then laughed when I still ordered off of the kids menu.


It was amazing! We had dinner without any highchairs or booster seats, without requesting any kids cups with a lid, without making 15 trips to the bathroom, and without rushing! Oh, glorious day! But then we both realized we were both looking at the time quite often and when our dinner was done we hurried back to pick up our kids. 


You see, silence is marvelous! However, when I really thought about it (I could actually do that for once), I missed the questions, the I love you's, and yes even the screaming. I missed the beautiful noise.

 

Sickness and Photoshoots

This has been a very interesting week so far.

On Sunday evening Merek started to feel sickly and within an hour she had a fever of 104.7 and could barely walk. Everything immediately became about keeping whatever she had away from Dexter. So in-between every interaction with Merek we were scrubbing and Lysol-ing and washing our hands before handling Dexter. It was a tad but chaotic. After a few hours of this her fever finally came down enough to be able to sleep. She never really complained about anything specific feeling bad she just was immobile from the fever. Thankfully the next morning it continued to come down and she has been fine since Monday. Strange to say the least.

Then the next day the princess decided she wanted to take pictures. So that's exactly what we did. I took her downtown to the old train station (one of my favorite places in town) and she posed the afternoon away. I did have second thoughts about the whole thing when we were getting ready to leave and a scary gentleman on a bicycle started circling where we were and watching a little to closely for my comfort. So we quickly got into the truck and left much more quickly than we came. But all in all I got some great shots and she was very happy with them.

Unfortunately this is the one time of the year when Ryan has to travel for work and the last two times he washout of town one or more of us were sick. Perfect timing. But thankfully he was here to help with the very sick little princess. She really does adore her daddy.

On another note we are getting excited about the warmer weather and even more excited about events to come. Our birthdays and anniversary are coming quickly, the Dean's are coming down from Iowa and we will finally get to meet out newest niece Leeza and see Jo, Grace, and Kasia as well. AND Dexter seems to think he is a superhuman baby and is already supporting his own wieght while standing and sitting up! Gracious!
Also coming up on march 14th is Merek's entrance exam for Grace in the fall. We are SO excited that we have the ability to send her there and cannot wait to see what is in store for her!

My Reasons

Today I am finding myself so blessed. Being a mother is the greatest gift my God has given me. Looking back I can remember thinking I would never have children and now I see that Gods plan was quite obviously better than my own. My sweet children have given me so much joy and love. They have taught me what true unconditional love means. I think before I understood what it meant to feel love for my family, friends and even myself but when I held Merek in my arms for the very first time and looked into her sweet steel blue eyes I finally realized what love was. And then when Dexter was born and at the sound of my voice he stopped crying and stared up at me my heart grew to double its previous size. 

Without those precious children my life would be so different. Not just physically different but literally I would be less of a person. I would obviously get more sleep, worry less, and have more time for me. But without my children I literally wouldn't have a purpose or direction. 

When I first discovered I was pregnant with Merek my world turned upside down and until she was almost six months old it stayed that way. But when I was free to see her beauty and her sincere love I realized that God really does give SO much good out of something we perceive as bad. She was my good. She was and still is my reason for getting out of bed every morning. And now that I have Dexter those feelings are ten fold. I want nothing more than to raise them to the best of my God given abilities. To watch them grow and learn and love. I thank my sweet and wonderful Lord everyday for the two beautiful gifts he gave me, and for the amazing husband He allows me to raise them with. Ryan is my rock and the best friend I have ever had!

I look back a few years and I am amazed at how much changed and how much I grew in such a short time. I would not have it any other way because in a few minutes a beautiful little girl with a heart the size of Texas will come walking down the hall asking for a snack and a sweet baby boy will wake up from his nap and want me to hold him. How on earth could it get any better than that!!! 

the past three months

It has been a while since we have updated our blog but let me tell you having a three year old and a new born doesn't leave a lot of time to sit and write on the blog. i will try to update more frequently now that things have simmered down.

Back in November our world was completely changed for the better. We took Merek trick or treating on October 31st and the next morning we were in labor. It started a little scary because we thought we might have had an abruption so I was put on 24 hour observation while also in labor. After the 24 hours was over and it was clear there was no harm to me or Dexter things started to progress. after 42 total hours of labor we had a successful VBAC and at 3:29am Dexter Cole Searle was in our arms. And let me tell you I was thrilled it was over! He was everything we had hoped for. He was so handsome and Ryan was thrilled that he didn't have brown eyes. He was happy and healthy and we were overjoyed.

Over the next few weeks we were realizing just how different having a second child in the house really was. But once we settled into a routine we started feeling incredibly blessed by the wonderful children God has given us. At just three weeks old Dexter had his very first trip to Arkansas for our annual Thanksgiving trip.







And as we approached our first Christmas with all four of us we were finally settling into our new life with two children. We started to have a ton of fun and Dexter started to show his sweet personality. He was smiling and cooing all during the Christmas celebration. And we had our very first family pictures with all of us. Merek still isn't happy that he cant really play with her yet but she absolutely loves him and loves helping feed him and talk to him. She thinks it is the coolest thing in the world when she can make him giggle or smile.

Then miraculously Dexter started sleeping through the night and my wonderful mother agreed to keep both of the kids so that Ryan and I could go out on New Years eve. Maybe some of you remember that Ryan proposed to me on New Years eve  two years ago and since then every year we go back to the restaurant where he proposed. It is something that is very special to us and we were so thankful that she agreed to keep them for us. It was definitely hard to leave Dexter for the first time but it was a wonderful evening and I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband in my life. God is truly SO good. 

So that pretty much brings us up to date. We cannot express just how blessed we are and how thankful to all of the wonderful people in our lives that support us each and every day.

So the next big thing in our lives is that on January 30th both our our beautiful children will be dedicated to the church and to our Heavenly Father and we cannot be more excited to see the miraculous things that God has in store for our sweet little family.

 

When you need it God will provide it.

The past few weeks have become progressively more difficult on me physically and yesterday evening as I was helping Merek put on her cubbies vest to go to church I almost could not keep my eyes open. We said goodbye to Ryan, who was also not feeling one hundred percent, and loaded up in the car. I took the princess to her class happily reciting her verse as we walked and then slowly marched up the stairs to my bible study.
Our family has been through a lot of stresses the past few months and I was so blessed by the study. I am certainly learning that when you actually need it God will provide it if you are diligent to ask for it and rely upon Him! The power of prayer in a stressful situation is Astounding! Then to really put what we learned into practice, I have been dreading going to the grocery store for a week now and have actually shed tears over the matter. I cant push the buggy with Merek and groceries in it and I cannot load the car by myself so I have been putting it off. However when we came home from church I found Ryan putting the groceries away in a freshly cleaned kitchen.

I felt so silly but I couldn't help but cry. Many of you know my personal story and if we went back in time three years you would see a very different life. I am so incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful and adoring husband that thinks about his family above himself! God has truly given me so much more than I could even have known to asked for. Ryan is my best friend and I cannot imagine where I would be right now without him. So much of who I am today can be attributed to the wonderful love and influence he has been in my life. I only wish that every girl could be so lucky!

On a lighter note we took Merek to the pumpkin patch this past weekend and then carved pumpkins. She has grown so much right before our eyes and I cannot believe how beautiful she has become. She is SO excited to meet her little brother and if he would quit being stubborn and just come see us I know she will be a wonderful big sister.


We have also been blessed with a new niece as Kim and Phillip are finally home with Leeza. We are so excited to be a part of this exciting time in their lives (even if we are a few states away) and are so happy to see them all together finally!
And to celebrate just a little bit further my sweet Mimi has her last chemotherapy treatment tomorrow. After four months of being sick she is finally done with yet another round! Praise the LORD!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

As we approach our due date I am becoming more and more anxious to meet our sweet little boy! His room is ready, his tiny clothes are folded, the bag is packed and I am ready! Last night was a full moon and Ryan and I joked that maybe that would send us into labor...as you can see it didn't. But at our appointment today I saw him taking some beautiful little practice breaths and they estimate he weighs 5 pounds 7 ounces which is more than Merek weighed at birth. Our Doctor joked that we must feel over due since this is the longest we have ever been pregnant. We are continuing to watch him extremely closely but he seems to be doing wonderfully and they even think they saw some hair on the sonogram.

Meanwhile our sweet princess is loving school and super excited about having a little brother. The latest comment she has been repeating is "Mommy Dexter is getting REALLY big!" haha I suppose you can always rely on a child to tell you the brutal truth. She has had so many fun things start up the past few weeks. They brought a firetruck to school and she has been feeling the doors ever since to make sure there isn't a fire behind it, she started ballet and has been diligently practicing first position, and she also started cubbies at church and recited her very first memory verse last night with perfection.

We are so incredibly blessed and have so much going on! Please also note that Kim and Philip have a court date tomorrow to adopt our new niece in the Ukraine so please lift up a prayer for them tomorrow if you think about it.

Oh Boy! Oh Boy!

On Sunday we were profoundly blessed by our friends and family as we had Dexter's Baby Shower. What a blessing to have those who love you surround you with laughs, support and of course gifts! We had a ton of fun and Ryan even brought Merek by after her nap and she had enormous amounts of fun opening all of Dexter's presents.We are so incredibly grateful for the family that has done nothing but support us and love us. And we are anxious to share this time with all of them.

Then to add to the fun, last night we had a bit of a false labor alarm. As I diligently timed our contraction which were nearing five minutes apart and becoming frustratingly uncomfortable Ryan ran about like a chicken with his head cut off frantically packing a hospital bag. In-between asking me which socks he should pack and whether I wanted a night gown or t shirt and which flip flops to take he was trying to console me in my discomfort. He became increasingly more anxious as I became outrageously tired. after drinking an insane amount of water, taking a hot bath, and contorting to several different sleeping positions we were finally able to slow the contractions so I could get some sleep. That was the best night of sleep I have had in weeks but unfortunately for Ryan all of the excitement kept him wide awake. Needless to say Dexter did not make his grand arrival but we anxiously await his coming!