Ryan and I have a very interesting kind of relationship. We enjoy each other. As strange as that sounds we have found that there are so many couples that are so caught up in what they individually have to do instead of what to do as a whole. I am so blessed to have a strong example of a couple that literally enjoy spending time together. My parents work together and live together and they love it! Ryan and I are similar in this way. We like to just hang out together.
Do not mistake me I know so many couples that feel the same way but it is disheartening to see or gear of marriages where their marriage actually functions better when they are focused on themselves and don't have to actually be around their spouse. I am not trying to step on toes I am just so thankful for the relationship Ryan and I have. He is so much more than my Husband. He is my best friend, my confidant, and he is my joy in life.
We have kindly discussed in the past that love is not a feeling, it is a choice. So right after we got married we found this really cool passage which is actually in our wedding album it goes as follows:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like am earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, and it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both and art and a fortunate accident. We have roots that grow toward each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms fall from our branches we find that we are one tree not two."
I just love this because it is eye opening. Are we a culture more focused on the "feeling" of being in love? It that why our divorce rate is so high? Is it possible to change a generations outlook on love and marriage? I look at my parents and by no means did they have a perfect marriage but they knew that whatever was going on they were more important. Their friendship and commitment to each other could never be less important in comparison to a disagreement or a struggle. I thank God every day for their astounding example.
I wonder, what are your thoughts on marriage today? What is the deeper cause for the divorce rate?
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
If you can build a house together......
....Your marriage will last a lifetime. At least that is the way the rumor goes. As you all know we are building a home and let me tell you we are REALLY building a home! We have been so blessed to be able to do this and to have the ability to build it just the way we want it. God is so good! Our current living situation was just fine for Ryan, myself and Merek; however once our little hiccup and all of his belongings entered our homestead we realized this house is just not big enough for the four of us.
Insert my grandfather. While searching for a home he offered to be our contractor if we decided we wanted to build. So the planing began...last June. Yes, over a year ago. I had no idea how long it took to get the ball rolling. Of course part of that could be my inability to confirm our house plan (I wanted it to be perfect). But after the planing and the piles and piles and piles of paperwork we finally broke ground and in a little over a month we are very close to being finished.
I had no idea just how much detail went into the building process. Between telling the electrician where to put our plug outlets and what kind of lighting we wanted, to working out the cabinets and counter tops, to the marble being late because they forgot to measure. Then the part I was so looking forward to came back to bite me. I had to pick colors. I love to design and consider myself a professional on colors but when I was faced with a whole house and slew of colors I found it hard to settle for one. Thankfully that is behind me.
We are in the home stretch, no pun intended, and it is so exciting to see it all come together.
We have certainly enjoyed this experience but I do not foresee us ever doing it again. We are so thrilled to get away from our current environment but we are even more excited to have a place where we can raise our children in peace and an environment more conducive for children. We are so blessed!
Insert my grandfather. While searching for a home he offered to be our contractor if we decided we wanted to build. So the planing began...last June. Yes, over a year ago. I had no idea how long it took to get the ball rolling. Of course part of that could be my inability to confirm our house plan (I wanted it to be perfect). But after the planing and the piles and piles and piles of paperwork we finally broke ground and in a little over a month we are very close to being finished.
I had no idea just how much detail went into the building process. Between telling the electrician where to put our plug outlets and what kind of lighting we wanted, to working out the cabinets and counter tops, to the marble being late because they forgot to measure. Then the part I was so looking forward to came back to bite me. I had to pick colors. I love to design and consider myself a professional on colors but when I was faced with a whole house and slew of colors I found it hard to settle for one. Thankfully that is behind me.
We are in the home stretch, no pun intended, and it is so exciting to see it all come together.
We have certainly enjoyed this experience but I do not foresee us ever doing it again. We are so thrilled to get away from our current environment but we are even more excited to have a place where we can raise our children in peace and an environment more conducive for children. We are so blessed!
Friday, May 27, 2011
It is Painful to be Beautiful
I wrote out a long and detailed post about my dear and amazing Mimi and her current condition. But when I finished writing all of the details of her illness and pain I could not bring myself to post it. Having it written out like that was too much to accept.
I will say this. She is the strongest person I know. She is also one of the most importnant people in my life and the most loving woman I have even had the pleasure of knowing. She has supported me, encouraged me, loved me, listened to me and she has always had the courage to tell me when she was wrong. Through all of the pain she has continued to show only the most courageous attitude and the sweetest disposition. She is beautiful, inside and out. Since I was a child she has always told me that "It is Painful to be Beautiful". I suppose now, it has a very different meaning in her life, yet she is. If I can grow to be one fraction of the woman that she is and has always been then that will be the greatest acheivement of my life.
All we can do at this point is hope and pray and hope and pray some more. Please join me in both.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Magnitude of Silence
I truly believe that the one and only set back to having children is the inability to hear yourself thinking, due to the constant roar of questions and chatter and banging and crying and singing and yes even sometimes screaming. So to have just one short moment of absolute silence is almost immpossible. Even the occasional soak in the tub is interupted by "I cant button my pants." or "What are the letters in camera?" and just recently "Dexter smells funny.".
So when the opportunity arises to have honest and pure silence I do not know a single parent that would not jump on that bandwagon in a trillionth of a second.
Well our opportunity came. It came in the form of Free Nursery Night at our church. Seriously, God bless them! So we decided that Dexter was old enough now and could handle a few hours in the care of someone else other than my doting mother. So we packed the diaper bag and made the production of loading everyone into the truck and we headed off. We dropped them off and said goodbye and very quickly rushed out of the building and back to the car.
We both sat and took a long, deep, appeasing breath. And then it happened, we realized we were in silence. We were finally able to think without being interrupted and we became all too conscious of the absolute silence. Then Ryan turned to me and said " Instead of dinner would you like to just sit in the car?" We laughed together and decided we would, in fact go have dinner together and then laughed when I still ordered off of the kids menu.
It was amazing! We had dinner without any highchairs or booster seats, without requesting any kids cups with a lid, without making 15 trips to the bathroom, and without rushing! Oh, glorious day! But then we both realized we were both looking at the time quite often and when our dinner was done we hurried back to pick up our kids.
You see, silence is marvelous! However, when I really thought about it (I could actually do that for once), I missed the questions, the I love you's, and yes even the screaming. I missed the beautiful noise.
So when the opportunity arises to have honest and pure silence I do not know a single parent that would not jump on that bandwagon in a trillionth of a second.
Well our opportunity came. It came in the form of Free Nursery Night at our church. Seriously, God bless them! So we decided that Dexter was old enough now and could handle a few hours in the care of someone else other than my doting mother. So we packed the diaper bag and made the production of loading everyone into the truck and we headed off. We dropped them off and said goodbye and very quickly rushed out of the building and back to the car.
We both sat and took a long, deep, appeasing breath. And then it happened, we realized we were in silence. We were finally able to think without being interrupted and we became all too conscious of the absolute silence. Then Ryan turned to me and said " Instead of dinner would you like to just sit in the car?" We laughed together and decided we would, in fact go have dinner together and then laughed when I still ordered off of the kids menu.
It was amazing! We had dinner without any highchairs or booster seats, without requesting any kids cups with a lid, without making 15 trips to the bathroom, and without rushing! Oh, glorious day! But then we both realized we were both looking at the time quite often and when our dinner was done we hurried back to pick up our kids.
You see, silence is marvelous! However, when I really thought about it (I could actually do that for once), I missed the questions, the I love you's, and yes even the screaming. I missed the beautiful noise.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sickness and Photoshoots
This has been a very interesting week so far.
On Sunday evening Merek started to feel sickly and within an hour she had a fever of 104.7 and could barely walk. Everything immediately became about keeping whatever she had away from Dexter. So in-between every interaction with Merek we were scrubbing and Lysol-ing and washing our hands before handling Dexter. It was a tad but chaotic. After a few hours of this her fever finally came down enough to be able to sleep. She never really complained about anything specific feeling bad she just was immobile from the fever. Thankfully the next morning it continued to come down and she has been fine since Monday. Strange to say the least.
Then the next day the princess decided she wanted to take pictures. So that's exactly what we did. I took her downtown to the old train station (one of my favorite places in town) and she posed the afternoon away. I did have second thoughts about the whole thing when we were getting ready to leave and a scary gentleman on a bicycle started circling where we were and watching a little to closely for my comfort. So we quickly got into the truck and left much more quickly than we came. But all in all I got some great shots and she was very happy with them.
Unfortunately this is the one time of the year when Ryan has to travel for work and the last two times he washout of town one or more of us were sick. Perfect timing. But thankfully he was here to help with the very sick little princess. She really does adore her daddy.
On another note we are getting excited about the warmer weather and even more excited about events to come. Our birthdays and anniversary are coming quickly, the Dean's are coming down from Iowa and we will finally get to meet out newest niece Leeza and see Jo, Grace, and Kasia as well. AND Dexter seems to think he is a superhuman baby and is already supporting his own wieght while standing and sitting up! Gracious!
Also coming up on march 14th is Merek's entrance exam for Grace in the fall. We are SO excited that we have the ability to send her there and cannot wait to see what is in store for her!
On Sunday evening Merek started to feel sickly and within an hour she had a fever of 104.7 and could barely walk. Everything immediately became about keeping whatever she had away from Dexter. So in-between every interaction with Merek we were scrubbing and Lysol-ing and washing our hands before handling Dexter. It was a tad but chaotic. After a few hours of this her fever finally came down enough to be able to sleep. She never really complained about anything specific feeling bad she just was immobile from the fever. Thankfully the next morning it continued to come down and she has been fine since Monday. Strange to say the least.
Then the next day the princess decided she wanted to take pictures. So that's exactly what we did. I took her downtown to the old train station (one of my favorite places in town) and she posed the afternoon away. I did have second thoughts about the whole thing when we were getting ready to leave and a scary gentleman on a bicycle started circling where we were and watching a little to closely for my comfort. So we quickly got into the truck and left much more quickly than we came. But all in all I got some great shots and she was very happy with them.
Unfortunately this is the one time of the year when Ryan has to travel for work and the last two times he washout of town one or more of us were sick. Perfect timing. But thankfully he was here to help with the very sick little princess. She really does adore her daddy.
On another note we are getting excited about the warmer weather and even more excited about events to come. Our birthdays and anniversary are coming quickly, the Dean's are coming down from Iowa and we will finally get to meet out newest niece Leeza and see Jo, Grace, and Kasia as well. AND Dexter seems to think he is a superhuman baby and is already supporting his own wieght while standing and sitting up! Gracious!
Also coming up on march 14th is Merek's entrance exam for Grace in the fall. We are SO excited that we have the ability to send her there and cannot wait to see what is in store for her!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
My Reasons
Today I am finding myself so blessed. Being a mother is the greatest gift my God has given me. Looking back I can remember thinking I would never have children and now I see that Gods plan was quite obviously better than my own. My sweet children have given me so much joy and love. They have taught me what true unconditional love means. I think before I understood what it meant to feel love for my family, friends and even myself but when I held Merek in my arms for the very first time and looked into her sweet steel blue eyes I finally realized what love was. And then when Dexter was born and at the sound of my voice he stopped crying and stared up at me my heart grew to double its previous size.
Without those precious children my life would be so different. Not just physically different but literally I would be less of a person. I would obviously get more sleep, worry less, and have more time for me. But without my children I literally wouldn't have a purpose or direction.
When I first discovered I was pregnant with Merek my world turned upside down and until she was almost six months old it stayed that way. But when I was free to see her beauty and her sincere love I realized that God really does give SO much good out of something we perceive as bad. She was my good. She was and still is my reason for getting out of bed every morning. And now that I have Dexter those feelings are ten fold. I want nothing more than to raise them to the best of my God given abilities. To watch them grow and learn and love. I thank my sweet and wonderful Lord everyday for the two beautiful gifts he gave me, and for the amazing husband He allows me to raise them with. Ryan is my rock and the best friend I have ever had!
I look back a few years and I am amazed at how much changed and how much I grew in such a short time. I would not have it any other way because in a few minutes a beautiful little girl with a heart the size of Texas will come walking down the hall asking for a snack and a sweet baby boy will wake up from his nap and want me to hold him. How on earth could it get any better than that!!!
Without those precious children my life would be so different. Not just physically different but literally I would be less of a person. I would obviously get more sleep, worry less, and have more time for me. But without my children I literally wouldn't have a purpose or direction.
When I first discovered I was pregnant with Merek my world turned upside down and until she was almost six months old it stayed that way. But when I was free to see her beauty and her sincere love I realized that God really does give SO much good out of something we perceive as bad. She was my good. She was and still is my reason for getting out of bed every morning. And now that I have Dexter those feelings are ten fold. I want nothing more than to raise them to the best of my God given abilities. To watch them grow and learn and love. I thank my sweet and wonderful Lord everyday for the two beautiful gifts he gave me, and for the amazing husband He allows me to raise them with. Ryan is my rock and the best friend I have ever had!
I look back a few years and I am amazed at how much changed and how much I grew in such a short time. I would not have it any other way because in a few minutes a beautiful little girl with a heart the size of Texas will come walking down the hall asking for a snack and a sweet baby boy will wake up from his nap and want me to hold him. How on earth could it get any better than that!!!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
the past three months
It has been a while since we have updated our blog but let me tell you having a three year old and a new born doesn't leave a lot of time to sit and write on the blog. i will try to update more frequently now that things have simmered down.
Back in November our world was completely changed for the better. We took Merek trick or treating on October 31st and the next morning we were in labor. It started a little scary because we thought we might have had an abruption so I was put on 24 hour observation while also in labor. After the 24 hours was over and it was clear there was no harm to me or Dexter things started to progress. after 42 total hours of labor we had a successful VBAC and at 3:29am Dexter Cole Searle was in our arms. And let me tell you I was thrilled it was over! He was everything we had hoped for. He was so handsome and Ryan was thrilled that he didn't have brown eyes. He was happy and healthy and we were overjoyed.
Over the next few weeks we were realizing just how different having a second child in the house really was. But once we settled into a routine we started feeling incredibly blessed by the wonderful children God has given us. At just three weeks old Dexter had his very first trip to Arkansas for our annual Thanksgiving trip.
And as we approached our first Christmas with all four of us we were finally settling into our new life with two children. We started to have a ton of fun and Dexter started to show his sweet personality. He was smiling and cooing all during the Christmas celebration. And we had our very first family pictures with all of us. Merek still isn't happy that he cant really play with her yet but she absolutely loves him and loves helping feed him and talk to him. She thinks it is the coolest thing in the world when she can make him giggle or smile.
Then miraculously Dexter started sleeping through the night and my wonderful mother agreed to keep both of the kids so that Ryan and I could go out on New Years eve. Maybe some of you remember that Ryan proposed to me on New Years eve two years ago and since then every year we go back to the restaurant where he proposed. It is something that is very special to us and we were so thankful that she agreed to keep them for us. It was definitely hard to leave Dexter for the first time but it was a wonderful evening and I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband in my life. God is truly SO good.
So that pretty much brings us up to date. We cannot express just how blessed we are and how thankful to all of the wonderful people in our lives that support us each and every day.
So the next big thing in our lives is that on January 30th both our our beautiful children will be dedicated to the church and to our Heavenly Father and we cannot be more excited to see the miraculous things that God has in store for our sweet little family.
And as we approached our first Christmas with all four of us we were finally settling into our new life with two children. We started to have a ton of fun and Dexter started to show his sweet personality. He was smiling and cooing all during the Christmas celebration. And we had our very first family pictures with all of us. Merek still isn't happy that he cant really play with her yet but she absolutely loves him and loves helping feed him and talk to him. She thinks it is the coolest thing in the world when she can make him giggle or smile.
Then miraculously Dexter started sleeping through the night and my wonderful mother agreed to keep both of the kids so that Ryan and I could go out on New Years eve. Maybe some of you remember that Ryan proposed to me on New Years eve two years ago and since then every year we go back to the restaurant where he proposed. It is something that is very special to us and we were so thankful that she agreed to keep them for us. It was definitely hard to leave Dexter for the first time but it was a wonderful evening and I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband in my life. God is truly SO good.
So the next big thing in our lives is that on January 30th both our our beautiful children will be dedicated to the church and to our Heavenly Father and we cannot be more excited to see the miraculous things that God has in store for our sweet little family.
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